Itʻs Okay not To Be Okay

Today may be a good day or a badone. Whatever kind of day, moment, hour, or minute this may be for you — it’sokay to feel whatever you are feeling right now.

Not only is it okay, it is essential.You are human and humans have well — feelings. A lot of them! Our moods,energies, interactions, social media, workflow, deadlines, family, and friendsremind us that every single day we are feeling. And these “feelings” aren’talways positive. Falsifying that they all were positive would actually drive usinsane and make us sick — literally.

Faking the funk and having a“good vibes only” mentality is exhausting to upkeep. Striving to arrive atperfection is some gnarly destination that we’ve been told we need to go — andwith a smile. Experts say it’s time to ditch this so-called “toxic positivity,”and we agree.

For some of us, having apositive mindset is a natural state of being — and that’s awesome! However,it’s when we deny and mask any feelings that are not “positive” and skip overthe coping, healing, grieving, and self-loving part that can really impact ourmental health.

“While cultivating a positivemindset is a powerful coping mechanism, toxic positivity stems from the ideathat the best or only way to cope with a bad situation is to put a positivespin on it and not dwell on the negative,” said Natalie Dattilo, a clinicalhealth psychologist with Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston. (1)

Emotions rise and fall. When weprevent ourselves from feeling a certain one or experiencing an uncomfortableemotion, we could be doing a lot more harm than good to our overall mental andphysical health.

According to Dr. JaimeZuckerman, a licensed clinical psychologist and trained cognitive behaviortherapist:

“When we pretend that emotionalpain doesn’t exist, we send a message to our brain that whatever the emotionis, it is in some way bad or dangerous. If our brain believes we are in adangerous situation, our body will respond as such. For example, we mayexperience rapid heartbeat, shallow breathing, and a natural need tounnecessarily avoid the misperceived dangerous situation.

When we avoid any kind ofemotional discomfort, even physical pain, we end up unintentionally makingthose feelings larger, louder, and more overwhelming. If you don’t confront orprocess emotions in an effective and timely manner, the science shows that itcan lead to a myriad of psychological difficulties including disrupted sleep,increased substance abuse, risk of an acute stress response, anxiety,depression, and even post-traumatic stress disorder.” (2)

Not every emotion is permanent.Anger and sadness, happiness and joy — they come and they go. As they shift ourenergy and move through our bodies, it is essential to feel them and let othersride the wave of whatever emotions they’re feeling too. It really is okay.

If you’re looking for ways toimprove your mental health or seek healthy ways to experience your emotions,consider exploring additional tools and support resources that encourageprocessing, reflection, and self-compassion.

Sources

·      https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/wellness/toxic-positivity-mental-health-covid/2020/08/19/5dff8d16-e0c8-11ea-8181-606e603bb1c4_story.html

·      https://hbr.org/2020/11/its-okay-to-not-be-okay

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